At a Casablanca airport outlet I thought I’d try some local fare – it was a kind of goat’s cheese seemingly mixed with durian. “What you eating?” choked my companion, eyes watering. “You smell like a zoo!”
DO I qualify to comment on these, you may well ask? When I worked it out, I realised that I covered approximately 317,600 kilometres from April 2008 to April 2009, flying between different continents and countries. I know in which airport to be stranded sans suitcase, and I know which airport should be vacated as quickly as is feasible to do so.
I also qualify as I wear two hats – I’m both the family man using scraped up savings, and the company man with all the offered perks.
Top of the list of where not to get stuck is Riyadh Airport. The lounge is small, catering for about 30 to 50 people. There used to be a duty free here, which sold Arabic books, but recently it disappeared. Access is by invitation if you fly business class or have a gold card with Emirates Airline and Saudia, but you can also buy yourself in for 50 Saudi Riyals. There is a lone PC with internet access, non-alcoholic beer and mediocre cheese sandwiches. A no smoking policy inside the lounge used to force people like me to stand outside to indulge and boil at the same time, although now the airport has provided a nifty smoking area a few metres from the lounge.
Cairo Airport Terminal 2 is in second place. The non-smoking lounge always seems to be empty and the smoking always packed to the brim with no available seating. On offer is generally a dried out sweet and salty ‘confectionery’, tea served complete with obligatory tea bag, and a jug with rose water or hibiscus juice. In the toilets outside the lounge be prepared to have an attentive attendant watching your every move and then expecting money for handing you a sheet of toilet paper.
In Mumbai the Clipper Bar is the place to have a Kingfisher beer and a cigarette just outside the VIP lounge. The good thing here is that everyone is welcome – whether you fly first, business or economy class. In the VIP lounge of course, the Kingfisher is free.
In Doha, the duty free gets larger on every trip, and the airport gets busier too. For business or first class travellers on Qatar Airways the Premium Terminal is really VIP. Check out the spa menu, amongst other treats.
Abu Dhabi Airport’s main terminal building looks like a mushroom and being inside it feels like it too. It’s not too busy generally, but when it is, it’s like being in an ant colony. The lounge offers several PCs and the smoking area at the bar allows for many a happy hour spent while waiting for the fog to lift.
Dubai’s Terminal 1 is busy and gets worse when the fog comes in. Check-in at Terminal 3 is a special treat as it was clearly the intention to get the community fit. Walking to the multitude of business class check-in desks feels like a work-out and if you’re late, you need to run, which gets you to the counters wheezing like a steam engine. The check-in is quick and passport control easy and friendly. The business class lounge is a maze the first time you enter, and you have to get used to walking 40 kilometres (it seems) to the smoking area. The food is tasty and there is a wide choice, but it feels more like a food court than high class dining lounge.
The best Emirates lounge in the world is at JFK in New York. Spacious, wide and airy and the food is to die for. The only thing that kills it full marks for me is that it is, like most places in the US, non smoking. A pity as all you can get in the lounge to console yourself after going through the agony of US security screening is yet another beer – and you try to forget the urge to smoke.
In Bahrain the VIP lounge is top notch yet small, as is the airport building but a great well stocked duty free makes up for it. Muscat is even smaller and duty free is a bit bigger that the one in Riyadh, but with much more to buy - electronics, sweets, cigarettes, books, toys and some local curios.
Beirut might be a place of ongoing turmoil, but those boys have class. A huge duty free which sells Cuban cigars cheaper than old Fidel. The lounge is at least the size of a rugby field and the food is good quality. The chances of getting stuck there are at times high, but not a problem if I can still sample a few Almaza’s and some real Lebanese food.
Amman airport has a fine duty free and although expensive its good quality olive oil and tins of Dead Sea mud are always nice gifts to bring back to the wife.
Johannesburg’s or Tambo International Airport has probably the most expensive duty free wares in the universe. It clearly relies on the European and American gullibility to buy little African curios for exorbitant prices. The lounge Emirates uses luckily has a smoking glass box and beer.
If you fancy a long delay and be in the pound seats, visit the Virgin Atlantic lounge at Heathrow in London. Free haircut, shoeshine, massage, deli food, warm meals, movies, golf practice, garden and more. It’s my number one place to get stuck. I was there once for nine hours and had to decide whether to check into a hotel or stay there. I decided to make a dent into Sir Richard’s budget that day. Taste the special Bloody Mary’s they make – first class, I say.
Speaking Out by Henri of Arabia
Jonna Simon, TTN’s columnist for decades has moved. We thank her for her long association and many contributions, which she will continue to present on an ad hoc basis.
So starting this month, we will be giving you the readers, a chance to deliver your own lighthearted perspective of the travel and tourism industry. First to take the reins is Henri of Arabia, a frequent air traveller who has spent more time waiting in terminals, airport, restaurants and VIP lounges than he changes his underwear.
{The opinions expressed by our contributors are theirs entirely, and not TTN’s.}