Somewhere in the world in some inner-city luxury hotel, yours truly is sleeping the sleep of the just. ‘Ding dong! Doors closing! Going up!’ Huh? It’s 3am and I am not sure whether I am awake or dreaming. Come to think about it, I am not even sure in which city I am. All I know is that the hotel I’m staying in has talking elevators. ‘Ding dong! Doors opening! 10th floor!’ Curses!
Hoteliers take note - there are a couple of things in hotels which shouldn’t talk (or at least not very loudly) – toasters, minibars, and yes, elevators. I fully appreciate that talking lifts are of considerable help to many people but not everybody requesting a room close to the lift(s) is also deaf.
It should come as no surprise that I also hate talking ATM machines. Firstly, because I am always paranoid that they will blurt out my PIN number as I key it in furtively and secondly because I find the cheerful ‘Thank you for banking with us!’ at the end of a transaction ridiculously annoying.
Back to hotels… I’m a passionate coffee drinker and like to have a cup of coffee in the morning before venturing out of my room to see what the day holds. Luckily, most hotels provide tea and coffee making facilities these days and many have even started to put espresso machines in their rooms. There’s something comforting about arriving in a smartly made-up room and putting the kettle on or placing a coffee capsule in a sleek-looking espresso machine. I don’t even mind instant coffee but what I do mind is inconsistent replenishment of the in-room tea and coffee facilities. Say I am staying for more than one night and had two coffees during the first day of my stay: what makes you think you can replace the two sachets of full-strength coffee I used with two sachets of decaf coffee? If I have used up all the brown sugar, does that mean I hate it so much that the hotel staff should feel compelled to replenish supplies with white sugar only? It’s a matter of standards and what starts off with, for example, three full-strength and three decaf coffee portions, should not turn into six decaf portions on the second night.
Whenever I can, I try and do my bit for the environment and I am always happy to stay in hotels that encourage guests to recycle paper and/or bottles by supplying separate little bins in their rooms. What I find annoying, however, are passive-aggressive signs in hotel bathrooms telling me that my towels will only be changed upon request to ‘save laundry detergent’. I’m sorry, I’m not buying it. Many hotels (still) see nothing wrong with replacing hardly used soap bars with fresh ones on a daily basis, yet they’re asking guests to re-use their towels for environmental reasons? This doesn’t make any sense. Certainly not from an environmental perspective and also not from a cost perspective (or are you asking me to re-use my towel so you can pay for my daily soap bar replenishment?).
For me, turn-down service is one of those little luxuries that makes staying in hotels special. I think it’s nice to find an expertly turned-down bed when coming back to my hotel room after dinner. Alas, how often do I encounter turn-downs of the mindless variety! I’m the only occupant of the room. I have placed my bedtime reading and my phone charger on my chosen side of the bed. Why then does the room attendant turn down the other side of the bed? Has this ever happened to you? Did you notice that, in such cases, it is always the side closest to the room door that’s turned down, even if you’re clearly intending to sleep on the other side of the bed?
Did somebody mention bedside tables? I like ‘em! They make excellent receptacles for all the random things I travel with and need to have by my bedside, for example my glasses, my iPod, my mobile phone, my bedside reading… That is, provided they are free for me to use. Putting oversized bedside lamps, telephones, room control units or advertising stands on them is just annoying as it leaves very little space for my belongings. The same goes for other flat surfaces in hotel rooms.
Now, always having had very short hair, the next point never bothered me personally, but it was mentioned by a fair few, mainly female, readers who emailed me. Hair dryers. In short: If you have to fix them on the walls in your bathrooms, please fix them next to a mirror. If you provide ‘free-range’ hair dryers in your bedrooms, please make sure they can be plugged in next to a mirror and, preferably, a chair. Standing between the bedside table and the wardrobe, trying to blow dry your hair while balancing a pocket mirror on your knees can be a little tedious, or so I was told.
Do you have any pet peeves when staying in hotels? Feel free to share them with me via www.facebook.com/iconsulthotels.
Speaking out
By Martin Kubler